my BTN story

well, i don't have much to share about BTN. the accommodation is superb. well, twice better from my hostel. no, no. i guess my hostel are better.the food is okay though. i mean, just ok. you will never feel hungry at all. my dormates are nice.

the whole BTN stuff is okay for me. just a few incidence occur. but nevermind, just assume it as a part of learning anyway.

for those who might concern, yes BTN is brainwashing camp. unfortunately, our cam is kindda strict compared to those in Meru. but im okayy with that. we have to march almost EVERYDAY. i find it quite interesting to kawad actually as long as you know the way to do so. ours ceramah and LDK is wayyyy to boring. the penceramah talked for like, what, 2 hours and the slide is not even moving at all. and most of the speech is mostly nothing related to the slides and to my absolute anger, NOTHING ON THE LDK OR THE SPEECH OR SLIDES ARE QUESTIONED IN THE EXAM.

and, and our camp have this special drama *i should called it* at the end of our last night there. haha.. i called it KTT's 1957: Hati Malaya. i don't want to tell the whole drama stuff. it's just conflict happen among us. i fell sad for the INTEC students who have to went through all these with us. haish. its so dramatic. i saw munnie cried, narahari was yelling *well, i thought he would never care* , hillary was angry, azim was pissed by the fasie. well, it's was so hard that night. but, we endure it already. after some consideration and hearing for every sides, then you would understand. it's not we want to bringing up the conflict, but it's because we care for each other that we choose to make several action that differs from everyone else. after thinking like that, i feel the love. and i feel really glad to have such friend.

the fasie kindda annoys me a bit. one guy from my group are giving speech representing chinese community during the camp. well, he is so innocent and so good that i wouldn't even bully him. he is soooooo nice. but instead, the fasie keep provoking this guy and saying stuff that i shall say quite harsh.

zheng: saya x pernah baca newspaper and watch news on tv

abg fasie: (dengan nada kasar) awak x rasa awak ni macam x guna ke? awak x baca paper, x tgk berita. xrasa macam x berguna ke, baik xpayah hidup je bagus. hah, kalau kfc buat promo makan free pun awak xtau.

zheng: (diam)...... kalau promo kfc, saya mmg xtau apa2 sebab saya vegetarian.

well, i were to choose, i don't want to come again for BTN. enough with the perlembagaan thingy. it makes my head feel dizzy. =.=!

yo fattie!

saya seorang dilahirkan dengan badan yang agak besar. especially when girls of your age doesn't have body of your size. well, as an example, when i was in primary one, everyone mistaken me for a primary 4 student. cis. i hate that. even when i was in primary 4 to 6, everyone thought i was a secondary school kid. hate those. i never have a confidence in myself. so i prefer not to involve in anything during primary school until one of my teacher persuaded me to join netball team (well, i'm kindda tall that time tho) i said no. well, i don't want to run. haish. then she hit me with these that i would never forget for my whole entire life time,

" Nadirah, gemuk tu tak memberi sebarang makna kalau awak mampu buat lebih dari orang yang kurus daripada awak mampu buat. kalau awak nak terus terperuk macam ni, awak boleh teruskan dan the whole world akan terus anggap awak gemuk sampai bila-bila. "

since then, i played a lot kind of sport. netball, handball, hockey, basketball, captainball (well, consider a sport), then i even involve in silat as well. :)

well, when u are good in sport, people won't look down on you and people would be dependent to you. so, it's kindda raise my self esteem to a level that i can actually believe in my own potential. thanks to my teacher.

so, i still with my sport stuff. well, i guess that's the only thing i can do really well. i mean REALLY well. but i can't understand some people. they are fat. but doesn't mind people calling them fat and even not trying to proof to other people that they are not just being fat for NOTHING!

they refuse to jump, run and even do some stupid simple exercise move just because they are fat and they tak larat wanna do it. these people can live in their pathetic life, not feeling comfortable with their own self and haish. these are so un-understandable. i cannot tahan myself looking at some pretty baju but i cannot buy it just because they don't have the size that can fit mine. i hate looking like someone older than my age. i hate people making fun of my body size and i even hate when some guys refuse to be friends with me because of that also. and the worst part is when

people are making fun of you putting you as a subject and look at you as a subject of funny thing because you are funny and look so-called cute.

what you think?

i am sorry that it's was you who did this to me.

when i was in primary 5 or 6, it was hari raya aidilfitri and all my friends are busy beraya to everyone's house. one of my bestie said this to me,
" nad, aku rasa diaorang nak datang rumah kau besok. kau prepare lah", the exact words that she whisper and i can still remember till now.

so ran back home telling my mom happily that all my friends are coming over and her to cook as much as posibble and i even stayed all day long to tidy up my house, well i am so excited about thic stuff. well, my house kindda rare for people to come over and its gives me double reason why i am excited about it. haish.

the next day, they didnt even show up. me and my mum wait all day long and NONE OF MY FRIENDS ARE ACTUALLY SHOW UP! i was so dissapointed about them not to come over to my house. but its even dissapointed to see my mum sad face looking at all her hardwork that didnt paid off. she might probably was thinking like this " who's going to finish all dis dishes? haish. so membazir" her eyes, her deep sad eyes that day, its really make me sad. i cried one whole day thinking about it.

well, we are not a super-rich family that i wouldnt feel bad if my mum overcooked and we simply throw away all those food. no. we are NOT. it wastes money and plus its poor people's money. do you really know how much the money meant so much to us. owh, ya lah. you guys are so freaking rich that you wouldnt even bother. there's no point writing this anyway.

and after like what, 8 or 9 years, the things happen again. i can go back and see my family and but i am too ashamed of myself to show my face to my mum. i just dont want to see her deep sad eyes all over again. and i just to sad af all people, its was you that did this to me.
its you guys.
i'm so sorry that i hate u guys.

Subhan-Allah, this Chapter makes me shiver!!

Bismillah
Asalaaamu `alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!!

1. When the earth is shaken to it's (utmost) convulsion,

2. And the earth throws up it's burdens (from within),

3. And man cries (distressed): 'What is the matter with it?'-

4. On that Day will it declare her tidings:

5. For that thy Lord will have given it inspiration.

6. On that Day will men proceed in companies sorted out, to be shown the deeds that they (had done).

7. Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it!

8. And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it.

..

aku tidak kisah jika satu dunia memusuhi aku tapi aku sangat bimbang jika satu dunia menyebelahi aku sedangkan tuhanku tidak...